k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
