i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
