I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
