Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
