Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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