I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
