Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
