I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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