My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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