Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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