I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
