but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
