Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
