Please, let me fuck your mom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They have beer where we have blood.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
