9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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