Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
