Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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