im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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