Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
