I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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