She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
