It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
