The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
