to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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