I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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