if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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