I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
