why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is Oprah even human
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