come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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