Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
