god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
