Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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