Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
