I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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