This girl is more easily done than said...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
