Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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