Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I AM VODKA MAN
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
