Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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