Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
