I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
