And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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