She is in my trunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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