I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
