Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
