Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize