We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize