that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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