it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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