The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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