She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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