yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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