This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
