Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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