But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
