Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
