You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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