We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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