somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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