I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
