i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize