I want to have your abortion
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
