Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
