why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
