I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
