Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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