did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
