I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
