So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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