Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
FUCK WHALES
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