Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
